


It was always meant to be you

by SweetJames



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetJames/pseuds/SweetJames
Summary: DiegaRivero: I miss you.DiegaRivero: But I’m still angry at you.It’s 1am and Aster isn’t expecting a response, she holds her phone to her chest tightly, perhaps because this is as close as she can get to Ellie Chu. Her phone vibrates lightly with a response.Ellie and Aster’s relationship in the years that follow the The Half of it.
Relationships: Ellie Chu & Aster Flores, Ellie Chu & Paul Munsky, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores
Comments: 12
Kudos: 422





	It was always meant to be you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, I’ve been thinking a lot about this film and I just couldn’t get this story out of my head so I decided to write this fic. 
> 
> I’m from England so I‘m not sure how the US college system works so apologies if there are any errors. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

* * *

The kiss lingers on Aster’s lips all the way home, she thinks of it during dinner with her family, she can feel the ghost of Ellie’s lips on hers during evening prayer and when she sinks into bed she replays it in her mind. Ellie rushing towards her placing her lips over Aster’s.It was everything she thought a kiss was supposed to be, hard and soft all at once.

Aster reaches out for her phone and opens Ghost Messenger, choosing to take a small step she messages Ellie, there’s a part of her that thinks maybe she shouldn’t. Her feelings are still hurt from all the lies and she’s still so unsure of what to believe, but in the same breath, staying away from Ellie might hurt more.

_DiegaRivero: Did you know the writer Cheryl Strayed walked 1000 miles across America to find herself?_

Her phone buzzes after 10 minutes.

_SmithCorona: That seems a bit drastic, surely going to art school is enough?_

Aster smiles at her phone.

_DiegaRivero: If I get in, but I guess it’s a good start. Bold strokes right?_

_SmithCorona: You’ll get in. Besides you have lot’s of time to be bold._

Aster nods to herself in the dark, that was true, she had done more in the past few weeks to take ownership of her own life than she had in the past 18 years. She had turned down Trig’s proposal, told her Father she planned to go to art school and had created more art than ever.

She had been feeling particularly inspired, something about flowers and stars and words by great poets that make you feel connected and isolated all at once. Aster looks down at her screen.

_DiegaRivero: Speak soon Ellie x_

The first acknowledgment that she knew she was speaking to Ellie, not Paul, not a version of some boy who never existed.

;;

Ellie moves to Grinnell and despite thinking she would never fit in, that she would always just be the only Asian girl from Squahamish. Mrs G is right, you do meet ‘your people’ at College.

Ellie’s roommate is a pale, short haired girl named Cari, she greets Ellie with a wide grin and a formal handshake which Ellie is very appreciative of, she can’t stand huggers.

Two weeks in and Ellie and Cari have already found their tribe, a group of History and English lovers. They have their own group chat and despite all the emojis they send, Ellie loves being a part of, a part of something.

Ellie is overwhelmed with reading materials for all her courses, having chosen to take English Literature, English Language and Classical History. She carries her books in a rucksack and there’s an ongoing joke amongst her friends that if she isn’t reading she’s probably asleep.

A month into the Semester, Ellie receives a Ghost Message.

_DiegaRivero: I got in Ellie_

That’s all the message says and Ellie can’t help but feel a small flutter in her stomach because Aster has chosen to message her, to share her success with her. Aster, who Ellie had been watching since Middle School, who she always looked for in a crowded room and who until a few months ago didn’t even know Ellie Chu existed. Ellie sometimes has to pinch herself, because she can’t believe that Aster trusts her, even after everything.

_SmithCorona: Congratulations! Which one?_

The response comes immediately.

_DiegaRivero: University of California_

_SmithCorona: That’s amazing. Go big or go home._

You’re amazing, Ellie wants to say, but instead she goes to bed. That night, she dreams of hot springs and tanned skin and floating endlessly despite gravity trying to pull her down. When she wakes up there’s a response from Aster.

_DiegaRivero: Yeah, literally._

;;

Despite the arguments and disappointed head-shakes that come from her Father when Aster announces she plans to move to California to attend art school, her parents let her go. Maybe they know they don’t really have a choice.

Aster has been in art school for three months and California agrees with her. Her hair is lighter, her skin darker. She wears her dresses all year round and spends her days meeting friends for coffee and creating art under the Californian sunshine.

She meets girls and boys alike and makes friends with some and kisses others.

After too many beers at a party she confesses her confusion to one of her friends who squeals with excitement and then much more sincerely tells her to take her time figuring stuff out, there’s no rush.

Aster nods, but can’t help but feel like there is a rush, because what happens if she waits too long and Ellie has found someone? Or worse, what if she never sees Ellie Chu again? That thought makes Aster’s heart clench.

They haven’t spoken much at all, apart from on Aster’s first day when Ellie wished her good luck.

At another party, after too many Jello Shots, Aster finds herself sitting on the stairs of whoever’s house it is, staring at her phone.

_DiegaRivero: I miss you._

_DiegaRivero: But I’m still angry at you._

It’s 1am and Aster isn’t expecting a response, she holds her phone to her chest tightly, perhaps because this is as close as she can get to Ellie Chu. Her phone vibrates lightly with a response.

_SmithCorona: I miss you too. I’m sorry I lied to you._

Aster nods to herself drunkenly, she knows Ellie is sorry but it doesn’t stop her confusion or her heart aching slightly at the mere thought of her.

_SmithCorona: I should have stopped writing to you but I just couldn’t give you up after waiting for so long._

Aster’s eyes shut tightly with guilt, it wasn’t like she was completely oblivious to Ellie’s stares over the years. It’s just that at the time she didn’t really think much of it.

_SmithCorona: Talking to you was my bold stroke. You’ve always meant everything._

Aster doesn’t reply and instead returns to her dorm room and falls into a drunken sleep. She doesn’t dream of anything that night and when she wakes up her head hurts but her heart feels lighter.

;;

After that night they start to talk more often, pictures of Aster’s art or book recommendations from Ellie are exchanged like secret notes.

When Christmas comes, Ellie stays at Grinnell and Aster goes home to Squahamish for prayers and a parade of family members.

Aster is in the local store picking up some shopping for her Mother when she bumps into Paul. It’s awkward at first, he doesn’t make eye contact with her and mumbles something about delivering sausages.

“How are you Paul?” Aster asks and it’s a genuine question.

“Oh good thank you. The sausages are very popular and Ma’s just about forgiven me.” He says it with a smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“That’s great Paul” Aster says and begins to walk away.

“I’m sorry.” He calls out. “I thought I loved you and I thought I needed help to get you to love me back.”

“Oh right” Aster responds.

“I’m not sure I did love you though…” Paul trails off. “But Ellie, Ellie was in love with you and she’s such a good person that she let me have my shot, even if I failed because she thought she would never have a chance.”

Aster nods, running over what Paul has said in her mind, turning it over and seeing how it made her feel.

“Look she would kill me for saying this, but I’m pretty sure she’s still waiting and so if you think that she might still have a chance with you, maybe just let her know.” Paul shrugs.

Aster doesn’t respond but she nods and grabs some sausages for dinner.

That night she calls Ellie for the first time, she doesn’t mention her encounter with Paul. Instead they talk about how Aster’s family are and if Squahamish has changed. They discuss Ellie’s essay that she’s working on and Aster provides an interpretation that she hadn’t considered.

It’s late by the time they hang up and before they say their goodbyes, Aster says; “I think about it a lot you know? Our kiss.”

“Oh” Ellie responds, surprised by this sudden admission.

“Yeah, it was unexpected but kind of amazing. I just wanted to let you know, that I haven’t forgotten about it.”

“That is good to know” Ellie says slowly. “I haven’t forgotten either.”

They leave it at that, a barely spoken understanding of each other and Aster hopes this is enough to reassure Ellie.

;;

The feeling of Summer being on its way surrounds the air in Iowa and Ellie sheds her layers. With the encouragement of her roommate Cari, she even starts to find her own sense of style. Ellie dons ripped jeans and colourful shirts, she still wears glasses after a very traumatic experience with contact lenses, only they are darker rimmed and square.

Aster starts sending drawings to Ellie in the mail. Some are intricate and detailed, others are doodles on scraps of paper. Every time they arrive in her mail box, Ellie’s heart feels like it might burst out of her chest. She pins them to her cork board and they sit pride of place in her dorm room for all to see.

They are on the phone one night chatting aimlessly about their day when Ellie asks her. “Would you like to come and stay with me next weekend?”

Aster falters; “Oh”

“My roommate is going home for the weekend so you can stay in her bed. There’s no pressure to come, it just would be good, to see you.”

“Yeah okay” Aster says and she can feel the rush of adrenaline and excitement flood her body. Her cheeks grow pink at the mere thought of seeing Ellie.

Aster had recently started seeing a girl, Sarah, they weren’t dating or anything but one night after a couple of drinks, Sarah had kissed Aster. There’s something about her soft lips and kind eyes that make Aster forget about her identity crisis.

;;

Ellie is waiting outside her building when Aster’s Uber pulls up, she’s leaning against a pillar trying her best to look calm.

Aster gets out the car carrying a small rucksack. Her hair is lighter and slightly shortly than the last time Ellie saw her, but it still falls into her dark eyes as she waves at Ellie. She’s wearing the same floral dress she wore during their day at the spring and Ellie wonders if this is intentional.

“Hi” Aster grins.

“Hey” Ellie says, taking her bag and leading her up to her dorm room. They stand together awkwardly at first, the silence brimming with unanswered questions and unspoken words.

Aster clears her throat, looking around the room. “I love it” she grins.

Her eyes fall on the cork board where Ellie has pinned all her drawings.

Ellie blushes when she sees Aster looking at it, “I thought they were really cool so I put them up.” She says with a shrug.

Aster nods and doesn’t make a big deal about it.

They go out for an early lunch at Ellie’s favourite coffee shop and a couple of people greet Ellie with warm smiles and waves. Aster takes note that Ellie seems to have morphed into the person she was always meant to be and she can’t keep her eyes off her.

That evening they order take out and sit beside each other on Ellie’s bed with a movie playing out on a laptop. Ellie does her best to concentrate on it but she’s acutely aware of just how close Aster is to her. She puts her hand between the two of them, drawing a boundary, one she wishes she didn’t want to cross.

Half way through the film, Ellie feels Aster’s fingers brushing gently against her own. She almost flinches away, fearing only she can feel the spark between them. Aster’s fingers slowly interlock between Ellie’s without looking at her and they stay that way for the rest of the movie.

When it finishes, Aster uncurls their fingers. “Well night then” She says, getting up and pulling her dress over her head.

Ellie is taken aback but doesn’t look away this time, instead she takes her own top off. Having been discouraged to wear layers by Cari, she’s left in her bra. Aster’s eyes slowly meet hers and they smile, awkward and nervous and a hint of impressiveness. Aster pulls her pyjamas on and Ellie does the same as they retreat to their separate beds.

Ellie can’t believe she is sleeping in the same room as Aster Flores, she turns away and faces the wall, in the hope of getting some sleep. Ellie is starting to drift off, when she feels her bed dip and Aster’s warm body wrap around her own. Her breath hitches but she keeps her eyes closed, scared that if she opens them Aster will be gone.

“Why did you invite me here Ellie?” Aster whispers into the dark, her breath warm on the back of Ellie’s neck.

Ellie doesn’t respond and then, “I needed to see your face.”

Aster nods against Ellie’s back and then places a gentle kiss on her t-shirt clad shoulder.

They stay like that all night, wrapped up in each other and Ellie barely sleeps as she spends most of the night worrying that Aster might be able to hear her heart thumping loudly.

;;

When Aster returns to California she is faced with an important art project to finish and she’s so busy she barely finds the time to speak to Ellie.

_SmithCorona: Thank you for coming to see me._

Ellie messages after a few days pass and she doesn’t hear from the other girl.

Aster doesn’t respond, partly because she’s busy but also because she hasn’t stopped thinking about sleeping next to Ellie and how right that felt and how much that scares her.

She starts to go to church more frequently, praying at every chance she gets, searching for a sign that this is okay. That what she’s doing and feeling isn’t a sin. At night she cries herself to sleep in a desperate plea for answers.

;;

Months pass and Ellie doesn’t hear from Aster, she’s trying to give her space, a chance to pick through whatever thoughts are tangled up in her mind.

One night Ellie is at a party with Cari, she’s surrounded by couples giggling and kissing. Drunkenly she stumbles into the bathroom, locking the door behind her and dialling Aster’s number.

It’s 1am in California when Aster’s phone wakes her up.

“Hello” she answers groggily.

“Oh so your phone does work, good to know” slurs Ellie sarcastically.

“Ellie”

“Yeah it’s me, perhaps you don’t recognise my voice because you’ve been ignoring me.”

Aster sits up in bed “Ellie, I…” she trails off because what excuse could she possible give?

She spooned Ellie to sleep and ever since that night she hasn’t been able to do anything, she can’t eat, she’s barely been sleeping and she definitely can’t create any art.

“I get it, you know, it’s fine. It’s just did you really need to do all that shit with me if you never really wanted me?”

Aster is taken aback,”What? No Ellie, it isn’t like that” she whispers into the phone.

“What is it like then Aster?” Aster opens her mouth but nothing comes out.

“Aster babe, are you okay? Come back to bed” Sarah says sitting up next to her.

For a moment there’s a silence and Aster wonders if perhaps Ellie didn’t hear it.

“I get it Aster” is all she says before hanging up the phone.

;;

Aster doesn’t call Ellie back, she doesn’t even know what she would say. I’m sorry. I was thinking of you the whole time. It was so cliché, even if it was the truth. Perhaps that’s all she is, Aster thinks to herself, a cliché. When she thinks of Ellie, her heart breaks into tiny pieces and yet she still doesn’t call her.

During a session with her art teacher Aster breaks down in tears. The teacher is pushing for more honesty in her art, for Aster to create her truths. But the truth is Aster has never been honest with who she is and how she feels. She has spent most of her of her life hiding how she truly feels from everyone. Including herself.

That night she goes back to her dorm and starts sketching. After several hours of drawing she steps back, the portrait of Ellie looks back at her, beautifully crafted. A heart breaking admission of how she truly feels.

That week, Aster calls things off with Sarah.

;;

In the months that proceed, Ellie throws herself into her work, she becomes top of all her classes and applies for internships at publishing houses.

She makes a decision not to return to Squahamish that summer, much to her Father and Paul’s disappointment but she promises they can come and visit her soon.

Ellie blocks out all thoughts of Aster and whoever got to spend the night with her. She can’t bear to think of everything her and Aster could have been, if they were just given a chance.

;;

The years pass by and the two girls don’t speak to each other. Their lives move on as though nothing ever happened, they graduate College, they have relationships and they slowly craft their own lives without each other.

Ellie is 22 when she sees Aster Flores again.

Ellie has recently moved to Los Angeles, taking a job at a publishing start up that she really couldn’t turn down.

“I heard she doesn’t even live there any more” Paul says on the phone when Ellie tells him she is moving to California.

“Paul, I don’t care. I haven’t thought about her in years.” Ellie lies.

The truth is, Ellie has thought about Aster more often than she is willing to admit. Whenever she sees a dark haired girl in a floral dress, or she reads a classic novel or sees a beautiful abstract painting, her thoughts often go to Aster Flores.

;;

Ellie has been in LA for four months when her colleagues invite her to a bar for someone’s birthday.

She’s at the bar ordering a round of drinks when she catches a glimpse of her. Aster is stood with a group of people, she’s wearing a champagne coloured satin dress, that goes to calves. Her skin is darker from the Californian sun but her hair is longer, like in high school. She’s laughing at something someone has said, her head thrown back in joy. Ellie think she looks like the toast of the town.

Her eyes catch Ellie’s instantly and she smiles from across the room. A glimpse of an understanding, a connection that has never faded.

Aster walks over to Ellie, “Hi”

“Hey”

“How are you?” Aster asks, as though years haven’t passed, as though they never broke each other’s hearts.

“I’m good, how are you?” Ellie responds.

“I’m better now” Aster smiles.

Ellie buys Aster a drink and they abandon the people they are with and spend the night catching up in a small booth in the corner of the bar.

Aster tells Ellie of the gallery she works for, she talks about it with such passion it makes Ellie want to kiss her. And she does. Leaning in slowly, she tucks a stray curl behind Aster’s ear and pulls her in. Aster pushes her lips against Ellie’s and moans softly, it’s as if no time as passed at all. As though this was how they were always meant to be.

;;

That night they go back to Aster’s apartment and Ellie pulls the satin dress off of Aster’s body. It’s slow and tentative as they explore every inch of each other. They pour out their emotions of love and heartbreak because time has a funny way of bringing us what was always meant to be ours.

When the morning embraces them, Aster is laying with her head on Ellie’s chest, drawing lines with her fingers down Ellie’s arm.

“I’ve missed you” Aster mutters.

Ellie smiles, her eyes half closed she reaches out and tangles their fingers together.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“I think it was always meant to be you. It just took me a while to realise.” Aster says quietly.

“That’s okay, I don’t think even we could mess up this timing.” Ellie responds, placing a sleepy kiss on Aster’s head.

Aster shuts her eyes and says a quiet thank you to God and love letters and living life in vibrant colour with bold stokes.

_Fin._


End file.
